“This is the sixth article of eight about women. This article focuses more on women that cheat on their men, orgasm, evolution, social – and biological father and hormones. The angle of the article is a combination between Chinese medicine, Chinese psychology and Western science. Remember the article is provocative to stimulate growth. The references will be published on the seminars “Women and TCM”.
Welcome to read The user manual for Women part 6. Enjoy.”
Not only men cheat. A lot of women cheat men for them to believe that they are the father of their children, to receive their protective support. It is always Yin in Yang. The reason for this is that a woman wants the faithful, stable and protective man to be the social father of their children (long-term father), but they want the man with the best genes to be the biological father (short-term father). Sometimes we find the social father not to be biological father.
The man with the best genes is not necessarily the most stable – and supportive person; most often he is not! It is thought that about 10% of the children got an unknown man as their biological father; 30% of the birds. We might expect women that had sexual relations just before a new relation would be the dominant in this group, but no. Many women have unprotected relations with other men and get pregnant while being inside of a stable relationship. Perhaps just a passionate affair in her mind, but subconsciously she might be searching for better genes to her offspring.
Sometimes we might find this mechanism become activated while a couple has a turbulent period. If the woman feels insecure of her partner, she might start searching for better genetics. After all, if he isn’t perceived faithful, why respect his lineage. 1 out of 10 persons walking on this planet is in this category! For sure we exist in a more complex mix than we normally think, and perhaps variants are more important than we like to admit.
Smell or pheromones (chemicals from skin and sweat glands) change our desire for sex. Women are more sensitive for smell in the time of ovulation. Exactly before ovulation a woman smells everything differently. Unconsciously she is scanning for the male pheromone Androstadienone to feel better. She will search for this pheromone in all the air that enters her nose. When she encounters this distinct chemical she will feel better and become mentally awake within six minutes. All ovulating women are unconsciously searching for men. Actually they prefer the smell of a dominant male that is not her regular partner! Remember this is the very peak of the menstruation cycle where her chances to get pregnant are at its highest. Again we might remember that 10% of the children have DNA that does not correspond to their father. Further on, women that have a lover tend to fake their orgasms with their regular partner.
Research has found that women absorb less sperm from their regular partner than from their lovers. This indicates that she unconsciously would like to become pregnant with the lover and not with her regular partner. Ironically men tend to regard the female orgasm as a sign of fidelity and togetherness, and they are 100% correct. Men and women try to hide their dirty little secrets, and women fake orgasms to cover up. Our congenital essence wants us to get genetics from others. A little variation is healthy for the human race. Women have an unconsciously nothing against having different social – and biological father to their offspring.
高潮 Gāocháo Sexual orgasm
An orgasm is defined as an increased respiration frequency, rapid heartbeats, moaning, muscular contractions nicely mixed with the maximum good feeling after sexual stimulation. Not all women experience strong orgasms or orgasms at all. Women depend on a reduced activity in the amygdala (fear center) to be able to enjoy the sexual stimulation to reach an orgasm. Chinese medicine connects sexual interest to a kidney yin xu, and absence of it to a kidney yang xu; in women this also might be OPPOSITE. When she feels totally relaxed and in peace she will feel well and orgasm would normally follow. An average woman needs up to 10 times more time to get an orgasm than a man; a male orgasm is normally considered to be the ejaculation of sperm. Evolution has made women to reach orgasm AFTER the man has ejaculated to increase the chance for conceiving. When having an orgasm her cervix is dipping itself inside the vagina absorbing liquid into the uterus; sperm will automatically be moved up to the uterus and fertilization might happen easier. Orgasm is a feature from the congenital essence to secure us offspring.
Clitoris has nerve connections straight to the sexual pleasure center in the brain, connecting kidney zang to the clitoris. When clitoris is stimulated we find an increased secretion of dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins in the brain. Something we might expect from the kidney zang and its Yin aspects. Here we need to remember that a woman in stress or in guilt will not get much secretion of these hormones; no matter the amount of stimulation. Without a Yin state in the body she will not reach her maximum sexual arousal and finally orgasm. A woman needs to be relaxed to get an orgasm, and everything that relaxes her might help her to get it. The sensitivity in the clitoris is intimately connected to the circulation of blood in the organ; less blood means less sensitive. The circulation of Xue is connected to heart zang. Heart qi xu will give an interrupted circulation of Xue. Resulting in impotence in men and women; female impotence are more difficult to spot. Female impotence is a less prepared vagina for sexual interaction, less vaginal secretion, lack of erected nipples and flaccid expression of the labia; often we simply connect frigidity to female impotence; incorrectly enough. Vagina and clitoris are interconnected through huge amounts of nerves creating a type of organ unit.
Relations with a long-term partner might increase the relaxation in the woman and by that she will get orgasm easier. A long-term partner will create more trust and confidence than others, and thereby she is more likely to get an orgasm. An orgasm will increase the levels of oxytocin and thereby also create redness on the female body. Almost all orgasms are mostly a physiological process developed from circulating hormones and created from a situation where physical stimulation of the clitoris was possible. When clitoris is stimulated more hormones start to circulate and as a climax, the woman gets her orgasm. This system is finely tuned, and if a woman loses her interest for a split second it might be because her amygdala is switched on again by fear or interruption. Immediately she loses her interest in sexual relations and her possibility to reach orgasm is totally gone for this time. A good sexual life for a woman is simply a switched off amygdala; a calm Hun. As we all know the most common way to switch off amygdala is through adjusting her mood (relax and feel at ease) and to make her more interested in the relationship (future plans and positivity). This accommodation of the woman is often called foreplay. Foreplay for a woman lasts hours (Yin), but for a man seconds (Yang). Men need to effectuate foreplay on their women since they need to be calm to have sex; upset and sex cannot coexist.
Orgasm is an addictive pleasure we want to feel as frequently as possible. It is common to think at an orgasm as a way for nature to create long-term relationships, but it is more to it. The female orgasm has some extra features that we normally do not speak much about. Most important is the possibility for a woman to unconsciously select what sperm she wants for her egg. This indicates that the woman, to a certain (limited) degree, selects the father of her children, given several men have had unprotected sex with her. Physiologically her muscular contractions create a suction that sucks sperm through the cervical mucus barrier when she gets an orgasm. If the woman does not have an orgasm we find less sperm entering the uterus and a reduced chance to get pregnant. Orgasm will also more frequently give male offspring. Girl sperm lives longer than boy sperm, and an orgasm will help sperm to enter uterus faster. Deep ejaculations, long penis, short vagina and female orgasm will decrease the time from ejaculation to fertilization, something that increases the chance for male offspring. (Interestingly enough, research has found that in times of war it is born more male offspring.) The strongest orgasms come after having sex with a person with high bilateral symmetry; an indicator for good genes, strong immune system and possibly a good provider. Of course, our congenital essence is programmed to perceive people with high bilateral symmetry as good looking.
Through getting stronger and more frequent orgasms with selected males, the woman selects aspects in their male sexual partners; aspects that most likely will be repeated in the congenital essence. Romantic passion will not increase the frequency of orgasm! You might be as romantic and loving as you can with your partner, but without a minimum of bilateral symmetry female orgasm will not happen. The woman might be 100% romantic passionate with her husband and almost no romantic with the symmetrical lover. When she has sexual relations with the symmetrical lover she will get stronger orgasms. It does not matter if the husband gives her a week with nonstop foreplay, symmetry always wins. Just the symmetry is connected to the frequency of orgasms, romanticism is not! Symmetrical men tend to be more willing to go to bed with women, faster and invert less money in the courtship than less-symmetrical men. Just to have mentioned it, they also tend to cheat more frequent! Women tend to select for symmetrical men to become the biological father and the less-symmetrical men to rear and protect the offspring as social fathers.
Testosterone is a hormone that is known to create a sexual desire and aggression. In men testosterone is produced in their testicles and in women, “female testosterone” in the ovaries. Chinese medicine connects testosterone to liver qi. It has been found a correlation with increased testosterone levels in girls and the age of their sexual debut and their general sexual behavior. Girls will from the beginning to the end of the Yang Fire phase (7 – and 14 years) get 20 times more estrogen, but at the same time her testosterone levels increases 400%. Boys get 25 times more testosterone in the Fire phase (8 and 16 years). Reduced sexual desires in a woman does not mean that she does not love you; a woman simply has less sexual desire than a man. Less testosterone = Less sex drive. If a man stops responding to a woman, she will think that he doesn’t love her anymore; a man simply has less interest in communication than a woman. A lot of testosterone = Less communication. The math sums up like this: If he wants sex, he needs to communicate with her, and if she wants communication, she needs to have sex with him. A win, win situation, or want? Chinese medicine connects two main organs to this topic. Liver zang is connected to impulsivity, aggression and sexual desire. Kidney zang is connected to fear and sexual focus and – abilities. Liver is Yang in compared to kidney that is Yin. Liver yang focuses on the actual ongoing activity. Kidney yin focuses on the stable, the ability and our congenital essence.