The user manual for Men (3/4 REVISED)

“This is the third of four articles about men. This article focuses on the man and his relations with women. The angle of the article is a combination between Chinese medicine, Chinese psychology and Western science. Remember the article is provocative to stimulate growth. The references will be published on the seminars “Men and TCM”.

Welcome to read The user manual for Men part 3. Enjoy.”

Nils Volden

Humans have developed different mating strategies. Normally we divide it into three: multiple women, promiscuous and monogamous. The first strategy is to have multiple women and mate with them all. This is called the alpha male harem strategy. Here he has multiple girlfriends at the same time and arrange a schedule with them all. The second strategy is the promiscuous man that mates with all the women that passes in front of him. It does not matter that it is the girlfriend of his best friend or a total stranger. The last strategy is the monogamous man that finds a woman, stay with her and guard her from other men. No other women enter his life. He is totally focused on this woman to bring forward his offspring, and his complete sexual life circles around her. Never forget that a man need to give love to get to sex. Male love might be superficially founded and present just to score. Women often manipulate men with a sophisticated honey trap; give sex to capture or to keep.

The monogamous male exists. Many think that the men are promiscuous creatures. This is not correct. A promiscuous mating strategy is normally exclusive to the Roun personality. Men are sexual creatures, but not naturally promiscuous. This mean in plain words than men like to have sexual relations more frequent than women, but they do not run after all fertile women. Men mate with their woman and get offspring. The male shares responsibility with his woman to rise and care for their children. The promiscuous male will live to search and mate with as many women as possible. He will have little to do with the women after sex, he is focused on the sexual relation and little more. He will seldom stay around long enough to find out that she become pregnant. Another aspect that characterizes this promiscuous male is his interest in sexual variation. He does not conform to have only normal sex, he need some spice. The monogamous male will bound to his woman and remember her aspects (mainly smell and touch). This monogamous mating strategy is normally related to the Teche personality. He will relate sexual activities with her and create distance to other options. His preference will be this woman. It is thought that the difference between the promiscuous – and monogamous male are founded in the genetics. Most likely we find the long version of the ADH receptor, this distinct gene give 200% more chance to live monogamous. Do not forget that when a couple has sexual relations and she get an orgasm we find her secretion of oxytocin connect her body and – brain closer to the sexual partner. Sex gives a good feeling in the body, a feeling that might be compared with taking cocaine; the psychic qi circulates freely. This euphoria connects couples and makes them in-separate, a unit that depends on each other. If separated they will feel that something is wrong. Yin and Yang will start to exist when two opposites unite. If you separate Yin from Yang in some way you will experience that something is not correct. For example the main reason to the feel wrong sensation in the example mentioned above is the drop in dopamine produced by ventral tegmental area (VTA) in the brain. Without dopamine circulating a person start feeling symptoms of abstinence. As dopamine is a neurotransmitter for feeling well and gives a sensation of reward. It is perceived as a very huge loss for the person when the dopamine levels start to drop. Dopamine goes to nucleus accumbens (NAc) in the brain. NAc is the brain area for experiencing pleasure and reward. The dopamine fills NAc and creates a good sensation of wellness. Of course, men mix their dopamine with testosterone and ADH, and women with estrogen and oxytocin. When NAc receives its representative mix we normally say that you are in love. This chemical mix equals the love sensation. Some think “mental love” exists, but in its pure essence “mental love” is just “chemical love”. A chemical situation created by external circumstances that is experienced as good. It only exist one theme in your brain – the other person. The other person is the person that caused you to get increased levels of your NAc hitting chemicals. When NAc is pounding you will get addicted; like it or not. An interesting element here are the memorizing of the person giving you pleasure. We find the pleasure giver being included into the permanent memory of the person. The process of making a memory permanent happens in the caudate nucleus (CN). CN is in charge of memorizing elements related to persons giving you pleasure or a sensation of wellbeing. The chemical formula of being caught heels over with a person and being carving for another person is well stimulated VTA (produces the feel good hormone, dopamine), NAc (area for anticipation of pleasure and rewards; receives dopamine, testosterone, ADH, estrogen and oxytocin) and CN (area for memorizing look and identity of pleasure givers; your partner). When the three aspects are well stimulated we find the person fall blindly in love; chemically – because what he thinks is secondary.

Yang Earth – The late puberty years

The Yang Earth stage is the next eight years after the Yang Fire stage in an adolescent’s life. The period of Yang Earth at the age of 16 to 24 years marks puberty years and the entering into the adult life, with all it contains. Finding a mate, provide, get offspring and raise the offspring. Of course, to be able to do this he need to find a way to earn money, a place to live and regulate his life to fit his wife and children. Yang Earth is intimately connected to growth and nurturing.

Yang Metal – The providing years

The Yang Metal stage is the next eight years after the Yang Earth stage in a man’s life. The period of Yang Metal at the age of 24 to 32 years is characterized by making offspring and maintaining his family. In short, he got young children in this life phase and uses most of his time to provide for his wife and children. Perhaps he also gets some more children in this phase. In average today men get fewer children than before. In old times before the agricultural revolution the women got on average a child every three years, after the agricultural revolution the birth frequency increased to one child per year. Last century it were normal to have 8 children, but today we find the amount of children to be reduced to about 1,4 children per family. Some years ago we observe an interesting change poor people had many children and the rich had few. Today we find the rich having more children than poor. The main reason to this change is the possibilities birth control gave to us. Children are expensive and poor people do not have money to maintain many children. Rich people have the possibility to maintain more children, and they do. Yang Metal is intimately connected to actively planning the life and realizing goals.

Yang Water – Anxiety

The Yang Water stage is the next eight years after the Yang Metal stage in a man’s life. The period of Yang Water at the age of 32 to 40 years marks the years of giving upbringing and security to the offspring. This is years characterized with anxiety and planning. Yang Water is intimately connected to actively constructing a nice life to the offspring and to localize – and eliminate dangers around the children.

Yin Wood – Adult man

The Yin Wood Fire stage is the next eight years after the Yang Water stage in an adult man’s life. The change from Yang stages to Yin stages is characterized with a reduction in intensity. The period of Yin Wood at the age of 40 to 48 years marks the slowing down in the protecting and rising parts of the offspring. The man might start to look into other aspects in life than running after small children, worrying about their wellbeing and security. Yin Wood is intimately connected to slowly start with other activities.

Men are men, and men will always be men. Nothing can change that! In Chinese medicine men are seen as Yang. Men have many interesting aspects circulating in Shen, their mind. This is aspects most women misunderstand, aspects that creates problems in their relation as a couple. As we have mentioned before men subconsciously search for mating partners 24/7; this without both knowing it and wanting it! It does not matter that they are in the best relation possible on this planet or that they is 100% uninterested in finding a new partner. They will continue to “search” for another female partner. This does not mean that they want to leave the woman they are together with, that they want an extra woman, or that they are unsatisfied with what they have for that sake. This is an automatic mental process. The male mind will search for and notice attractive women. Men are preprogrammed to do this from their congenital essence or their genetics. When their subconscious mind finds a female specimen that is WOW, his sexual areas in the brain flares up for a split second, and with that everything is finish; YES finish! Most likely he did not notice this woman and even less that he paid attention to her. The eyes of men will search for the perfect female body all the time. Searching does not mean that the other female body is perceived as better than his girlfriends. He investigates their breast, butt and other signs of female fertility; like the body of women is made of iron and his eyes are attracted as magnets. He cannot control it, and he does not pay attention to it. He is just a passenger in his genetically guided ride. Women often find this aspect threatening. Remember that they risk losing their provider and protector, making them reacts fast and frequent against this type of behavior. Jealousy is not exactly what this female reaction is about. It is more founded in anxiety for losing the man and provider. Often we find the man not understanding her reaction since it happened without his conscious presence. In many cases the man has to guess what happened and try to imagine who he looked at through an elimination process. He simply does not know, and she is convinced that he is basically leaving her; for that woman he does not know who is.

She is genetically pre-programmed to react to this male behavior. On the other side she is genetically pre-programmed to cause this magnetic reaction in other men; women wants other men to look at her. Remember that she needs a man with high socio-economic status, a provider and protector. Searching for a better catch have never created any damage, or has it? As for the man, the woman is also a victim of her congenital essence. It is like nature has had more reproductive success with men on autopilot after women and women on autopilot presuming themselves for men. Men with other women and women with better men seem to be the song. Jealousy might be the tool for a couple to stay together, but it requires understanding of this mechanism. Reactions out of context might create unrepeatable damage to a relation.

Okay I have to mention this artifact – many men enjoy walking around presuming their wife. “Show me your wife, and I will tell you who you are!” might be the motivation behind presuming. Having an expensive, beautiful and well maintained wife is a status symbol for men, just as an expensive house, a Porsche, exclusive watch and a brand suit. Of course, vacation to far away not common places is also regarded as positive. Presuming a perfect woman cannot be beaten by material factors. You might travel to exclusive parts of the world with your super famous friends, in your expensive clothes wearing a Rolex, but if you do not have a representative wife you are missing the ultimate artifact. Other women might think that something is wrong with you when your wife do not correspond. They will also believe that you are a better catch if your woman is very representative. An attractive wife will therefore give more attraction to the man.

One classical possible event that needs to be mentioned is that a man loses his woman for another man. The reasons to this might be many and complex. It might be that she meet another man that is of an higher caliber than the first (better protector, – provider, -socioeconomic level and – genetics), other men starts to pay more attention to her and compete to catch her, or simply her man start to behave in a way that makes him less attractive for her; and she is back on the market. To steal a girlfriend from a friend is regarded as “a mortal sin”. Mate poaching is common, but not accepted and is regarded as immoral by the general society. To “steal” the girlfriend from a man also indicates that the other man have won over the man. The man gets a double beating when first losing his woman and then losing his manhood (devaluated). For many men mate poaching creates a path directly into depression, lower self-image and nervousness. Men will compete for women – always! If a woman put herself in a position where she has to interact with a searching man, she has to accept that he will try to catch her (if she is perceived as attractive by him). If this man is a friend of her man, we find him to have a longer distance to go before initiating something with her. Perhaps they just meet of innocent professional reasons, something happens and they start to click on relation related aspects. Then things really start to happen. To counteract couples that are slipping apart, researchers have found that sexual relations strengthen the ties between them. Sex will re-activate the persons VTA (produces the feel good hormone, dopamine), NAc (area for anticipation of pleasure and rewards; receives dopamine, testosterone, ADH, estrogen and oxytocin) and CN (area for memorizing look and identity of pleasure givers; your partner). They will come closer to each other and feel more connected and intimate. A huge problem occurs IF one of them has sexual relations with the other person. Then it is normally game over for the first relation. Of course, here we have the distinction men often say that sex is a pure physical act and do not necessarily include feelings or the aspect of love; sex is not the same as love. Women often say that sex is an act where you give yourself to the other person; no sex without love. After being unfaithful we might see men going back to his wife as before, if she still accepts him. Unfaithful women tend to not being forgiven or wanting to go back. The simple reason to this is her emotional involvement. Men just had sex and the woman had a relation.

If a man loses his wife we find him in a difficult situation. First he will feel defeated; a zero. He experiences himself as less attractive and that other men are better than him. Often we find two different behaviors in these men. First we have a period of elevated activity in Hun and Liver qi stagnation; depression and feeling of impotence. Then we have the men that start to live hard. Start to train, buy new clothes and get an increased – and renewed interest in women. These men are back on the market; more desperate than ever; Yang. A common indicator here is an increased emotional distance to women; Yin. A woman betrayed him and he might use them more freely due to that. For a period he might meet intimate with one night stands, prostitutes and other women that it is easy to copulate with. It takes some time for a man to regain the proper educated way of treating a real woman and not to mention dating respectfully with them. First he has to build his self-confidence to enhance his self-esteem. Often we find men do this through a period with multiple sexual partners and girlfriends. After a time he slows down and start to date for a life partner and offspring again. It is important to understand that men will when in a relation respect his partner, but without a relation he tends to follow his testosterone filled sexuality to a larger extent. If an attractive woman passes in his life and he got the possibility, he will try to interact with her in some way. When interacting with a woman that attracts his interest we find his testosterone levels to increase in less than 5 minutes. We also have to remember that a male brain only need 0.20 second to decide if the woman they interact with is sexually hot or not. If she is hot he will continue his interaction, and if not he will only continue IF he see any future advantage with this interaction.

The male mind is focused on sexuality. Sexuality is in Chinese medicine intimately related to kidney zang. An increased interest in sex or hyper-sexuality is considered to be a kidney yang state, normally a kidney yin xu. Impotence is considered to be a kidney yang xu. The kidney essence consists of both the acquired essence and the congenital essence. Congenital essence is the genetically aspects, making sexuality and genetics closely related in the Chinese medicine model. We are pre-programmed to consider this theme as one of the main activities in life; just as eating and breathing. Whenever a man got the possibility to enter a sexual context with his woman he will try to; something most women have understood.

His body and his six pack is not important, but the size and shape of his penis is of more importance. Many men feel anxiety for the shape of his penis, direction, curve, length, width and color when interacting with women. The truth is that women could not care less about the penis. His penis is the last worry a man should have when dealing with a woman; since vagina is flexible in size. Perhaps we could compare the male penis complex with women’s worry about an enlarged vagina and incontinence of urine after giving birth. The penis is guided by hormones and impulses from the nervous system to get erected when it wants and not rise when it should (impotence). If the penis does not rise when it should we call it impotence; the worst thinkable problem for a man! Impotence is a classical kidney yang xu symptom. This complete mechanism is guided by the activation of the nerve cells and its testosterone receptors located in the spinal cord, testicles, penis and the brain. When testosterone starts to circulate and a type of sexual arousal enters conscious or sub-conscious; we will find an erection. In Chinese medical terminology this would be something like a Yang (hormone) will activate kidney yang and create 勃起 Bóqǐ – erection. Normally we find visual stimulation or visual fantasies initiate the sexual arousal. Indicating that liver zang is involved in the creation of the Yang circulating to activate kidney yang. Liver zang opens in the eyes and are related to all visual aspects. Correctly enough we know that the liver zang related personality Roun are much more sexual active than the other personalities. For example he observes a nice female body or something that he connects to female fertility; the more it clicks the more Yang is produced and following kidney yang are higher. This will create internal sexual images in his mind his brain lids up, hypothalamus wake up, testosterone is produced in the testicles, and nerve signals flows down his spinal cord to his genital area. The result is an erection; a Yang produced Boqi. If his visual arousal is reinforced by a touch, something physical, from the observed woman we will find an additional extra arousal. Tactile stimulation is related to heart zang. Heart zang are intimately related to Shen. Shen connects to thinking and decision making. Touching will reduce the ability of the man to think and to control his kidney yang; Boqi. Remember that kidney zang gives yin to heart zang, and that heart zang gives yang to kidney zang. Through stimulation of the heart zang related tactile aspect kidney yang will increase, and the chance for Boqi increases. When reaching this arousal modus, we find him focusing 100% on sex and penetration. All other brain aspects are put on hold while he is in sex modus. In a way all psychic qi are gathered or centered on kidney yang and Boqi. Giving a type of general qi stagnation in the body where all Yin transforms to Yang for a few seconds. A state where all energy is circulating around the man’s Boqi and his visualizations. His congenital essence culminates in this very action. The walk to Boqi might in many regards be seen as the Tao of man; Yang. For that sake the Tao of a woman are self-sufficient offspring; Yin. With age or with mental stress this Boqi mechanism will work slower. Many men use Viagra to help the erection.

After a (to) short period of time the man reaches his 性乐 Xìnglè orgasm. To become able to reach Xingle (orgasm) the brain need to shut down two major brain areas: Amygdala (area for danger and alert) and anterior cingulate cortex (ACC. Area for self-consciousness and worries). Here we have a HUGE gender difference. Men easily shut of this two aspects and the rest is a type of physical pleasure filled massage. Women on the other hand, they have huge problems with disconnecting two aspects, making foreplay and relaxation crucial for her possibility to reach orgasm (read more about the woman and her orgasm in the eight part article “User manual for Women”). In short, a woman needs to be put in a Yin state to reach Xingle. When the man ejaculate or get an orgasm we find him to experience a good feeling as the levels of noradrenaline, dopamine and oxytocin increase dramatically. The more of these hormones that starts to move the better he feel. As a direct result of these hormones his ventral tegmental area (VTA, area for pleasure) and periaqueductal gray (PGA, area for pain suppression and vocalization) becomes stimulated. He feels good, real good… Many men suffer from premature ejaculation (PME). It is estimated that up to 50% of the men have this problem, where they ejaculate before they should. Normally men reach their climax and ejaculate after an estimated 10 penile trusts; some more and some less. If the ejaculation comes before any penile trust or after a few we tend to name this PME. The root cause to this problem might be everything from lack of physiological control to mental factors like stress (most frequently) and over stimulation (Yang mental or Yin physical). The stronger a man think about preforming well in bed the worse he get. When the action starts he just have left to ejaculate or his penis is getting relaxed again (semi-erect) due to the shut-down of the performance-anxiety center (ACC, the generator for erection). When the circumstances causes amygdala and ACC to create a flight or fight response in the brain, we find his central nervous system (SNS) cause a reduction in the neurochemicals needed to get a penile erection. The hormones are made in the hypothalamus and partly regulated by the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). Here we get a situation where the penis is not filled with blood; the missing erection only exists in the frustration of the man and perhaps in the dreams of the woman. As a result he ejaculates before the show has even started if he is lucky OR he suffers from impotence. The most common reason in Chinese medicine is an elevated activity in Hun due to passed Duliang (tolerance); I personalities tend to overthink and might fill their Hun faster than other personalities. We also find all personalities to have their distinct reasons to get PME. Roun personalities get to eager. Chenn personalities have problems with deciding issues related to the woman. I personalities tend to think far too much. Pro personalities see images in the future related to this woman and it excite them extremely, and as a result PME. The Teche personality understands how lucky he is and the increases his kidney Yang and PME occurs. A proper balance between many factors is needed for a man to get Boqi, an erection, but mostly SNS and PNS. SNS and PNS are basically related to Hun and Po. Hun is the mental factor that activates and guides Po. Po is the physical factor that is guided by Hun. It is normal for men to use Viagra to combat reoccurring impotence problems.

Men ejaculate and then he shuts off, get tired and wants to sleep; a total qi xu. As we mentioned before, when the man reaches his climax and ejaculate, his levels of oxytocin increases. Oxytocin creates a feeling of perfect goodness in both genders, but AFTER sex (orgasm/ ejaculation) this changes. In men we find the oxytocin enter hypothalamus and activates the sleep center. As a result he gets tired and wants to sleep, meaning that this is not a real qi xu, but more an initiation of sleep. In women oxytocin mixed with dopamine and makes her want to speak and hug. Interestingly enough, theoretically speaking, after the ejaculation the job of the man is finish, but the woman need to be sure of his protection and providing for her eventual pregnancy; he can sleep, and she need confirmation. She might be pregnant with his child and need him to take care of her, but he can leave at once to another place. Nature have made him sleepy and out of shape to leave at once; giving her a chance to convince him. Just remember this, women and men cannot help themselves for acting like this!

When the woman gets pregnant (well, many want us to say THEY (The Man AND the Woman) get pregnant) we find the life of the man change dramatically. It is normal to record an increase in stress about one month into the pregnancy. He starts thinking: “I am going to become FATHER!” As the pregnancy evolves we find him going through changes that inflict both emotional levels and physiological changes. Most visible are his changes in hormones. When he receives pheromones from the skin of his wife and her sweat nicely mixed with her saliva makes his hormones get primed to a parental situation; his Yang hormone (testosterone) levels will start to decrease (about 30%) and his Yin hormone (prolactin) increases (about 20%). Many interesting aspects might start in the male in this situation. Normally he will start to become more Damp as Chinese medicine likes to name it. Practically Damp mean that he gain weight, and he will start nesting. When a man is nesting we find him to prepare the home for the upcoming birth and his offspring coming home. He will adjust the house, paint, buy furniture, food, blankets, and baby shoes; make everything ready to welcome HIS offspring. Classical Yin activities directed towards the home. The Yin changes will be at its maximum the three weeks before the birth and last until six weeks after the delivery, and he will go back normal levels when the child start walking at about one year of age. If the father has very close ties to the child (Yin) he might remain with low testosterone levels for a longer period. Researchers is still not 100% sure that the mentioned father have low levels (Yang hormone xu) due to the child or if he have low levels and takes more care of his child from that reason. One thing is for sure both the mother and father have close biological connections to their offspring. This connection creates a flow of care toward the child; parent- child understanding is called: synchrony.

We might compare this care with the mental aspects activated when a couple is falling in love; dopamine – and oxytocin guided. An adult will automatically hold and cuddle with the baby, creating skin contact. The adult will also observe the helplessness, dependence, big baby eyes, cheeks and his fluffy body. These factors will activate the parental instincts in the parents. Both the father and the mother have the same parental instinct, but the mother is more intense in the practice of tending. 舐犊之爱 Shìdúzhī’ài this is parental love. As a Chinese idiom nicely put parental love is the love of a cow licking her calf. To maintain a father in a parental modus he needs to observe AND touch the baby. If a father is not permitted to touch, hold, play and care with the baby in his hands we find the tending instinct fade away. A male brain might work as the female brain in tending. It simply needs a little more stimulation and then it function almost the same as its female counterpart. Okay, it is difficult for a man to compete with the person that both have been carrying the baby inside her stomach for nine months and – is the main source for food; the male breasts without milk and the unknown heartbeats will never really compete with the mothers. Anyhow the man is also in this game, even though the mother is preferred by the baby (like it or not men!). We need to be aware of the contact between the father and the child is normally decided by the mother. If the mother gives the father more access to the baby, he will connect deeper. The more intimate relation between father and child, the more likely he will sacrifice more for the family. Negative mothers or Yin mothers that denies the father sufficient time with his child will experience that the father slowly pulls away. A father that does not bound properly and – repeatedly with his child will create a distance. This is a distance that might result in divorce on a later stage; since he does not have anything that holds him back.

If given the possibility, time and place to interact with his child, we find the father play very different than mothers. Fathers tend to tease the children. Boys love it, but girls tend to enjoy games where it is a role play involved. Fathers will confirm to almost any assigned role play from a girl. Men play Yang with the boys and Yin with the girls. Boys are trained in Yang and girls in Yin. We might see this as a training of the child. Girls are trained for interaction through communication and familiar activities (Yin activities), while boys are trained to understand others thoughts and in deceiving (Yang activities). This is abilities that might come handy later in life. The father normally treats the children harder and more direct than the mother; Yang. Fathers that refuse to lose for children in games are considered to be insecure by psychologists and 葸 Xǐ in Chinese psychology. He is afraid to lose his alpha status and this insecurity makes him play hard. The father prepares his offspring for real life interaction and real communication; a communication that works in a world where nobody read the mind or knows your likes and dislikes. 交流 Jiāoliú is to exchange some type of information. The father trains his offspring to exchange while the mother trains them to find their emotions. A father’s upbringing of his child tends to be more dominated by Yang, meaning harder than the mothers (Yin); most likely due to his testosterone – and ADH levels; Yang hormones. Hard mothers are mostly due to anxiety, insecurity and a hard personal upbringing, and have little to do with her congenital hormonal levels. Of course in given parts of her hormonal cycle we might find an increased hardness. A mother’s education tends to be more variable than the fathers that are more constant. When a father say NO then it means NO.

It has been found by researchers that the more Yang (active) fatherly discipline (rules that are followed and constant) creates more success at school. These children also get less behavioral problems, and girls are in addition found to develop less emotional problems. The better a girl feel with his dad, the better she will handle men in the future. Do girls control their father? Fathers like helping his girl through solving her problems. Boys do normally not receive this type help from their fathers. Fathers tend to focus on preparing their sons for the hard life on the street; in the jungle. What the fathers does sons copy, imitate, mirror and reflect. Children left with little or no parental care will normally later in life reflect this when exposed to stress. The normal response to stress is overthinking and mental chaos. Overthinking is normally related to Spleen yang and a Yang state in Yi reflected in hyperactivity in Hun, and a mental chaos is related to failing to root the psychic qi.

Men tend to be emotional distal and women emotionally present, indicating that men have a Yang strategy and the women a Yin. The Yin strategy might be seen as a first activating a mirror neuron system (MNS) and the activating a temporal parietal junction system (TPJ). A MNS mean that the person mirrors the other person to feel the same emotion as the other person; emotional empathy. MNS is just as Po Fanying (mirrors) Hun, but in an interpersonal scale. A TPJ means that the person search for solutions to what MNS discovered. Totally separated from emotions and person; 答案Dá’àn – solution. The Yang strategy is to first use TPJ (solution) and then MNS (mirror); really simply the opposite of a Yin strategy. The Yang strategy of men (with its dominating TPJ) makes men ignore or perhaps even better totally ignore emotions in others and context where information is partially given or manifest. If the Yin strategy (dominating MNS) is activated we would have expected the person to observe and grasp latent signs and signals that is communicated. Men tend to use Yang strategies and women Yin strategies, making men search for solutions and women for “behind-aspects”. An interesting aspect here are when a man with his Yang strategy scores, meaning he found a usable solution to a dilemma, we find him to feel victory. Victory indicates dopamine secretion and a happy feeling in the man. The Yin guided (MNS) woman have difficulties to understand Yang strategies (TPJ). Well, men also use MNS, but just for a split second, but women stays there longer, and then of course absorb more information. After the split second MNS the man moves to TPJ and stays there for a long time. After finding his solution, reaching his euphoria and filling his brain with dopamine, he will go back to MNS and look for emotions in others while mirroring them. Just to have mentioned it. Men will not stop before they have found a solution to the problem; obsession is their middle name. Women often have problems to understand that men try to solve problems to show their preoccupation and affection toward others. Men do not understand that just a taste of emotional affection would have changed the game totally, because he thinks that problem solving is the only way to show love. The only problem is that women want no solution, Daan. All what she want is mirroring, Fanying. She want people to understand how she feel and see them feeling the same as her. Women are not stupid creatures that do not have the ability to see solutions. First they simply want empathy, and then later if they feel it are needed they want a solution. Well, men never grasp this!

Stay tuned for the last article…